Sadness after sex…Say What?

Thinking back I can’t remember if I ever experienced sadness after sexual intercourse. Usually I am riding the “high” from the endorphins. I use sex to help relax especially if I am trying to get to sleep. For me, sex is a pleasurable experience during and after. But, for some that is not always the case.

It’s difficult to think that you can experience sadness after sex. Especially after pleasurable and satisfying sex. But, for some, they can experience forms of sadness, anxiety or even depression after sexual relations.  There is actually a medical term for this, post coital tristesse or dysphoria. 

…enjoyment of sensual pleasure is past, the greatest sadness follows.

17th century, philosopher Baruch Spinoza 

Post coital tristesse can affect anyone. Recent studies show it tends to be more common in males. It also affects everyone differently, but the main symptom is a complete contrast of how you were feeling just a few moments ago. 

Have you ever experienced post coital tristesse? If you have don’t feel bad. Surprisingly it is a very common thing. Below are three reasons you might be experiencing P.C.T.

  1. Aftercare- This isn’t just for the BDSM community. After your physical needs are met, you need to make sure your emotional needs are also fulfilled. Cuddles and some pillow talk can go a long way.
  2. Internal conflict- One nighters or casual sex might be fun for awhile. But in the long run it could be creating conflict with your need for intimacy. You could be feeling sad because you know this experience will never be repeated.
  3. Trauma/Shame- Even if the trauma wasn’t sexual in nature being intimate can make you vulnerable which can open old wounds.

Regardless of why are you are experiencing post coital tristeese, know you are are normal.


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